<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/2972500/finding-paradise?claim=tx35ufbngc3">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Is it really time to go?

Wow, I'm sitting in the hotel lobby in Madrid and I can't believe I'm getting on a flight to go home tomorrow. It has been quite an adventure, and I am glad I was able to share it with you guys.

On a lighter note, I had a special request today. Jesse and Chelsea took a few pictures from their housemother's apartment. This woman was nuts! She hid the cereal from them in a locked cabinet, and always wore a mickey moo-moo. We loved hearing the horror madre stories, and in gratitude, here are the pictures from the raid the girls did when madre went out one night.

The mickey moo moo!

The cereal that Jesse stole and ate while madre was gone.

Well guys, this is it for my Spain adventure, stay tuned because there are still great pictures to load when I get back in the states! Until then,

This is Spain!

You Want What?

Sex and the City is quite a scandalous show. I have only seen the edited version in the states, so it was quite the surprise when Madre, Cedric and I watched it at lunch yesterday. There we were, eating our salad and pork chops when the fire crotch started getting busy in the taxi. I immediately started nervous laughing, and then the woman started making noises!!! Kill me now. Madre and I are both dying laughing, and Cedric is acting like he has no idea any of this is going on. Well after what seemed like a century that scene is over. Thank god, back to lunch...WRONG! Fire crotch is being a little hoe on this episode and there is yet another sex scene. Neither I nor Madre can take it anymore, and we are both scrambling for the remote. Keep in mind, this is day time TV over here! :-)

You know when your hair gets uncomfortably long? You could really go without a cut for a few weeks, but it just doesn't look very good? Well, I reached that point today. It is pretty scary to go to a stylist without speaking the lingo. "I want a two guard on the sides with a trim in the top, but please blend it and thin it." Yeah, how the hell do you say that in Spanish? Maria, one of madre's daughters told me that "take a little off the top" was "los puntos"...of course I'm panicking because that word makes me nervous. It is too close to "puta" for my liking. So I'm walking that way, I get all the way to the point where the lady has me in the chair and she asks me how I want it. I'll be damned if I didn't say "Solomente las putas". She looked shocked, but who could blame her...I just say I'll I wanted were the bitches. Ok, so that was awkward, but it ended with a decent haircut! 

My haircut place!

Euro Epidemic

Alright, we have to discuss a serious issue I have found Spain to have. I'm hoping it isn't contagious, especially since fall is coming upon us, and we all know how quickly epidemics spread when the weather drops. This problem can only be described as...in the words of Kalie Frank...she mullets...

Now, I haven't gotten to snap a legit picture of one on the street because my camera battery died, but this picture does a lot of justice to what we have seen. I have put together a small list of symptoms to protect you and your loved ones from this horrible problem.
1) You notice you/your loved one have a strange affinity for white ankle socks and sandals.
2) There is a strange tendency to wear denim rompers/overalls
3) You/your loved one speak German
4) You/your loved one start to think, hey...I can go a few days without showering.
-If you notice any of these warning signs, be aware that getting help right away is essential to insure a she mullet will not be gotten. Only you, or your gay bff can prevent the she mullet.




Now, I need some personal feedback from the crowd...I think I may have just ventured a little past the line of what is cool, and what is Euro trash. Now, a few of the pictures are blurry, but the camera is dying and will not flash! Just lemme know...too much or maybe can pull it off in the States.

Tight yellow jeans? I also have in purple :)

Uh, kinda polo, kind pageboy shirt 

Blue suede shoes? I like the metal anklet so I'm keeping regardless :)  

And of course, the gladiator sandals

Ah, so we finally got to go to see Los Toros! I was a little worried about watching something die, but after the first bull...I was hooked! It was like watching a dance. The men were so graceful, and there was a real art to what they did. I understand it is seen as inhumane, but you know what...they do a lot worse to chickens and cows in the US than what these bulls go through. Here are some pictures, but they do not do it justice!

This Is Spain

     So Spain can be a frustrating place at times. The eat on a completely different schedule, they can't drive, and they all look like they stepped out of the Vogue catalog...everyday. I have come to the conclusion that there are two truths to Spain. These help me not get so frustrated: (1) NOTHING makes sense here. (2) There is always going to be a fishy odor in the air on the streets. I started to use these truths after a brief diva attack in the post office. So I needed to mail one...just one...postcard to Drew and John. I waited in the line for about 15 minutes to talk to the little lady at the front desk, and right when I get to the front, a man cuts in front of me. I look at him and ask what he was doing to which he replies, "Numero". He holds up his ticket...apparently you need to get a number to talk to the desk, even though there is no sigh in sight that tells you this vital information. Well, I freak out a little. And by that I mean I throw my card down, and start screaming, cussing rather. I storm out and just want to punch the nearest Spaniard right in the balls. This is how I got the name, from Andrea and Jesse, Post Office Diva. (BTW I can't pretend I was too badass to leave the card. I picked it up.
       Oh! I finally got to yell at a passing car yesterday! Yeah, you know how you always see the crazy European drivers, and them yelling at people on the street? Well...this wasn't like that, but it was still kinda cool. I was on the cross walk, and this taxi comes within 5 inches on ramming into my leg...now after getting ran over in Macon last fall...I'm a bit timid when it comes to cars. I resist the urge to slam my hands down on his hood, and opt instead for a both hands in the air, and a "Watch where you are F$@&ing going!"
       Ok another thing I am fascinated with....everyone here is gay, well figuratively. All the straight guys dress just as nice as the nancy boys, and boy do they know how to party. We went to a disco last night, and I swear I felt like I was walking into a big ole Gay bar. The music was awesome and dance, and the people were all dancing. There was no, "I'm to cool to dance". It was high energy, and highly gay (figuratively).
      Well I'm going to try and get myself into some crazy situations this weekend. I know this blog lacks a bit. Here are some pictures courtesy of my classmates in Spain. Thank god for you guys since my camera is almost dead!

Andrea and I repenting for our sins at the cathedral in Granada

Granada means Pomegranate in Spanish. We found a tree of um!

Oh the night we took Dr. Palacios out.

Doesn't this look like the Berries and Cream guy on the Starburst commercial?

A reenactment of my running away from the Gang. (See earlier post)

Thanks for the ugliest picture of myself I have ever seen, and for making fun of me! lol

Rosario vs. Me (and the Paparazzi)

Today has been one hell after another...let me go ahead and start with that to get it out of the way! Whew, I feel better already.

So, I wake up this morning to my usual breakfast, bread...not toast...bread. But instead of the yummy jelly that is usually next to it, there is a version of Nutella, or so I thought. Actually, it was more like chocolate icing...thick chocolate icing. Not so great on bread in the morning, but I needed some comida (food)! As usual, the bread is gone in a matter of 45 minutes and my ass is hungry, so I walk to the store next to the school, which has the pleasant aroma of fish...I'm talking it smells like they mop the floor with aquarium water, but I digress. So at said fish store I buy a big ole can of Paprika Pringles. They are so good! I can't wait to polish off the can during the next class. Well, I get to the class and of course I share with everyone, especially those who also share with me. We are all pretty close in this class. Well, this one kid takes my chips and decides to be the personal lesion to FEMA and pass out my chips all over the damn class...Normally I would just laugh it off, but damn! Can my hungry ass get A chip before they are redistributed among the ranks by someone who didn't pay for them?

When I get home, already a bit pissy from the morning, I walk into the house to find a small old crone shrieking something slurred and Spanish at me. In my confusion I panic and look around to make sure I walked into the right house...I was so disoriented from the yelling that I couldn't see anything!  I snap back to reality and look at her and say, (in Spanish) " I have no idea what you are saying." Finally I realize what is going on...she is the maid, and she is telling me (in tu command form) to not walk on the clean floor, and to wait outside until it dries...are you f-ing with me? First of all, the tu form? That is such bad manners! Second of all, I am not standing in the 104 degree heat while you mop the house! I tell her that I live here, and she keeps repeating for me not to walk on the floor! Finally I look that little hostile nugget square in the eye and tell her "I live here, and I am not waiting outside!" She got so mad, but my diva ass walked right through that hallway and had the best damn nap of my life!

Ok, now I know this is bad manners, and I know it is a little crass to talk about anyone, but I've got to...I won't mention names, but damn....this must be told. I'm not even mad at this person, it is just a funny situation, that needs to be joked about to make light of an awkward situation. So said person in our group loves to take photos...fine, take all the pictures you want. Take pictures of the scenery, take pictures with the group, hell if you want take a picture of me, but ask first! This guy hides his camera under his arm, holds it down so it looks like it is off, or stretches and snaps a shot. Now, he is no stranger to zooming in, or even walking by and snapping one. We all feel like the GD paparazzi are following us every where we go. Are you really taking candid photos of us??? It isn't even like it is a few for a good laugh. It is ALL THE TIME. I have watched this shit for the whole trip, and today...I cracked. I saw him take one of a girl in our class and I (kindly mind you) walked over to him, pulled him aside and said, "Hey bud, you may wanna stop doing that because a lot of people are getting mad that you take candid shots all the time." He straight up lied to me and said he hasn't been! Are you joking right now? Are you really lying? So diva came out once again and I simply said, "I've seen you do it! You need to stop!" Then, I walked my little ass back to the tour, and enjoyed the rest of the day! I even went to Guess and bought a pair of jeans I'd been eye'n for a few days. And I also impulse bought a black button down too. Go me!

BTW, there are no pictures from today yet, so I'm going to give you a tour of mi casa!




                   Disclaimer: Don't get pissy because I wrote about that. I like everyone in our class, but c'mon, that had to be told!

That's my bed :)

A little messy at the moment, but another part of my room

Our bathroom, oops toliet seat up!

Where my senora Angela cooks amazing meals for us.

The living room/family dinner room/study hall/library

The formal dining room/Living room 

And of course, a baby Jesus in the hallway.

Here Bidet, Gone Tomorrow

Well guys, curiosity got the best of me in the worst possible way. Everywhere we go, every bathroom has a bidet. These curious little bathroom additions have caught my eye on several occasions and last night at the hotel, I decided to turn it on. Here I am thinking it is about to be somewhat like a gentle water fountain, and all of the sudden, a jet stream of water flies towards me…I am soaking wet with bidet water, and the floor is flooded! Two things come to mind: (A) How am I going to clean all this up (B) OMG that would hurt your privates so bad!

Well, after this little fiasco, I decided that it was time to buy some Euro trash clothes! My new favorite store over here is called Pull and Bear, and I bought two cool pairs of yellow and purple jeans there.

Ok now the sucky part. So Granada is known to have a pretty cool nightlife, but guess who got a fever and sore throat last night…you guessed it…me. No pharmacy is open past 10, and I was stuck in a hotel freezing my butt off, and with a throat that resembled the bolts on Frankenstein’s monster’s neck. This morning though, Sarah, our guide, walked me to the pharmacy. On the way her pearls of wisdom came through. “You know why you are sick, right?” she said. “Why is that?” I choked through the pain. “Because you never sleep, you always go out.” To which I replied, “Sarah, I haven’t been out in three days, and I get eight hours of sleep a day…I am sick because there is something called bacteria…and it is in my throat.”  Yeah, I was sore throat diva. Well the pharm guy gave me antibiotics (which he isn’t supposed to do if you don’t have an RX) but the kicker is it was only 4 euros! That is ridic! Aren’t antibiotics like $60 in the US?

Ah yes, so in Granada…still sick mind you…we went and visited La Alhambra. It is a beautiful Muslim castle, but I felt like Tippie Hedren in The Birds because they were everywhere! I’m talking like swooping through the castle, screaming their little heads off. I just knew at any moment we would be reenacting the school house scene from that movie.

Well folks, that’s all I got for today. Cheers!

Sup John the Baptist...did you lose  something?

Patos en el rio.